[Metallicorphan is an Ass]

I know that the majority of these films are old,but i also know we have a lot of Sci-Fi fans here

i have all 10 Star Trek Movies on DVD,i have never been much of a trekkie,i have never watched a full episode of Star Trek TV series...and cant say i had watched all of these movies(i had seen 1-5...but not since having them on DVD)

so,i have started to watch them

yesterday i started with number 1 Star Trek:The Motion Picture,having not seen this for a loooong,loooong time,it felt like watching it for the first time(cos i couldnt remember shitall)


so i put the DVD in and first of at the beginning of the movie it has 3-4 minutes of a blank screen(maybe with stars)and music playing.....wasnt really sure what to make of that,so i started to fast forward,stopping every now and then to make sure no voice over had come on....finally the paramount logo comes up(?..i thought the film already started)

the thing with Star Trek the film,is the special effects are well,quite shit...this has not had the loving care that star wars got when that was released on DVD,you can see big black lines around the space ships and although this is the directors cut,you would think they could of got rid of the margins,George Lucas managed to get rid of the boxes round the tie-fighters...and yes,i will forever compare this to star wars,another thing is the clothing,its aged badly,it looks like a buck rogers episode...but if you look at star wars..han solos gear,lukes Karate/Judo suit...doesnt look bad,maybe some imperial officers with their mutton chops :lol: age star wars,but it doesnt look as aged as this film

anyway,special effects/clothing hardly ruin a story anyway....from the story i kind of figured that something had happened in the series that fans should of been aware of,or they would know,so perhaps i am missing out on something


the story goes that this big blue vortex thing is heading to earth,the Klingons(have they always had a backbone on their face?)have already tried to intercept it by firing torpedoes at it,but the Klingon ships got wiped out with the vortex's return fire

so,the starfleet have less than 72 hrs before this thing reaches earth...they have the one option,the starship enterprise..and the newly reappointed Admiral Kirk



the film plods along until they get to the vortex thing,and a few people get wiped out in the process,i was quite suprised that i liked the film...even with the pretty obvious V'GER,it does ask the viewer to suspend belief(even more so than usual),and has a lot of religious similarities..and some of the acting really was ballsuckingly bad...but the film was enjoyable as a whole...oh and yes,it had the corny ending ...'did we just witness the birth of a new species'...er,no kirk,two people just commited suicide :huh:

and next up,perhaps today i will sit down to watch my favourite star trek movie....thats number 2,if you are good at maths
the wrath of kahn(which if i remember rightly,also expects that you have seen the series,as Kahn was in an episode)

[Metallicorphan is an Ass]

okay got star trek II watched today,its understandable that its my favourite Star Trek film,it seems that they all sat down before the making of the film and said,okay...the first film didnt do to well,....so how can we improve?...answer....space battles!!,the action is better,the script is much better and even the acting is...well...better,anyway



the film again has very many referances to religion,what with the Genesis project,creating life in a day etc

Kirstie Alley was pretty damn hot as Saavik(who they continuely call 'MR'Saavik..i have no idea why...although it does get me worried about the Vulcans female race)

again,watching this film,i realise that something happened in one of the series episodes,that doesnt take a genius to work out what did happen(as Chekov explains it all)

Kahn(Kahn is a genetically improved 20th century man....but hey...who isnt ;) ) and his crew as punishment,for what he did in the episode were left marooned on a planet,that WAS full of life...except 6 months later,a nearby planet exploded and therfore wiped out more or less all the life on Kahns planet,many of his crew died through what happened and also victims from the creatures that live on the planet,included Kahns wife,who Kahn holds Kirk directly responsible for

Kirk,never bothered to check up on Kahn,as it wasnt known that the nearby planet exploded



the genesis programme is to create life on dead planets,all kinds of life from mammels to plant life to water...but if triggered on a populated planet,would wipe out all life on that planet

Chekov who is in another enterprise(reliant i think its called)with his captain who was the other cop in the terminator with lance henrikson grilling michael bhien....go to Kahns planet,thinking its the exploded planet,(remember they didnt know it had exploded)to see if its a good candidate for the Genesis programme

there Kahn caprtures both,puts wierd creatures in their ears so that they will obey his commands,Kahn and crew steal the Reliant enterprise and go after Kirk to kick the ever loving shit outta him
(this is the film where Kahn quotes the Klingon saying...'revenge is a dish,best served cold'...and goes on to say 'and space is so very,cold'...although in reality,i am not sure it is actually orignally from star trek)

along the way,Kirks son crops up with one of his old squeezes,Kirstie Alley lets her hair down and shows just how hot she was for sam malone in Cheers....and spock acts the hero and saves the enterprise..by washing his face in the radiation thing for the ships power,enableing the enterprise to be able to make warp speed and escape Kahn...and then Spock dies...and Scotty plays bagpipes at his funeral(thankfully we dont see that part...but we do hear it)


i am thinking that star trek 2 and star trek 3 were filmed back to back,rewatching number 2,made me remember a lot of number 3,and realising that they must of at least had the script for number 3 already done

not just the script and the action,but one of my main complaints about the first movie have been seen to as well,the special effects are really well improved over the first film,no black borders or cheap ass optical effects,seems the budget had been increased as also the costumes werent corny all in one suits


so,star trek 2,which is 24 years old now,is still one of the best star trek films and has aged well

i am quite enjoying this Trekkie trip of mine,and wish to boldly go where no man has gone before....and teach alien women,this thing we call sex :D

[Metallicorphan is an Ass]

so,today was star trek III:the search for spock day



opening credits of the film immediately make me aware that Kirstie Alley does not return to play Saavik(prolly getting chased by Sam by now),this is also directed by leonard nimoy,and also has christopher lloyd as the klingon lord Kruge


so,first off,it has a recap of what happened in star trek 2,i wish the first two films had recaps with what had happend in the series...but anyway,after the battle with Kahn and the funeral of Spock,the enterprise is back home,bruised and battered.As they are entering the space dock,Kirk gets a message that someone has broken into Spocks quarters...pissed to say the least Kirk investigates and finds Bones the ships doctor sat in there,speaking like Spock and asking why he was left on Genesis

meanwhile the Klingons have come across the Genesis project,by hiring space pirates to steal the infomation,the space pirates are then double crossed by the klingons and blasted to pieces,with the help of a cloaking device the klingons bird of prey ship has,with this infomation they find the genesis planet,and destroy a federation starship that was orbiting the planet,on the planet Saavik and David(kirks son) come across the reborn child spock,who screams like a little lamb,when ever there is an earthquake,it seems that the genesis project is a failure,and the planet is to self destruct and spock and the planet are linked and both ageing rapidly

kirk finds out that spock mind melded with Bones just before he died and knowing this Kirk has to get both Bones and spocks body from genesis to the planet vulcan

he steals the enterprise and arrives at Genesis only to be attacked by the klingon ship,the klingons have located saavik,david and spock on genesis,and while negotiating,one of the klingons kill david...Kirk says that the klingons can board the enterprise,but he sets the self destruct and beams down onto the planet,all the klingon crew except the captain beam onto the enterprise only for it to blow up...the enterprise is no more




phew....so,on the planets surface,the klingon captain beams to have a good old TV fight with Kirk

after the fight they board the bird of prey and make haste to the planet vulcan...where the reverse mind melding takes place and the film ends there

as said,i think the film was made back to back with number 2, the costumes are all the same...and the special effects are again quite good(ILM)...the film isnt as good as number 2,and ends quite suddenly,we dont hear what happens to Kirk for stealing the enterprise(and destroying it)..but i guess we will hear about that in number 4

christopher lloyd was great as always,but i was expecting him to shout '1.21 jiggawatts' all the time...the rest of the cast were the same as always,same kind of falling over whenever there is an explosion etc etc.

not a great addition to the films series,but probably an important one for getting spock back,not that many laughs either,in the first two there were a few funny moments with either Bones and Spock or scotty getting pissed off at having to fix his warp drive all the time....also now that the Genesis project has failed,hopefully now this will be the last we hear of it and its religious referances

so,the rise of great star trek films has begun to dip already,hopefully it wont continue with the rest of the series...i remember liking star trek 4.when i saw it all those years ago....but it will be interesting to see what it will be like now

[Metallicorphan is an Ass]

star trek IV:the voyage home



21 years ago.....21 YEARS AGO!!!!...i cant believe its been that long,this,with star trek 2 is the movie i remembered most from the trekkie films,this is again directed by Leonard Nimoy

the paramount logo comes up and bang we are straight into the film.....or at least a recap of what happened in the past couple of films(but mainly part3)...picture is pretty terrible...blame the DVD!!

the film is dedicated to the men and women of the spaceship challenger


ahh...the real credits now begin,another Paramount logo and the credits...music seems a lot better this time round,more dynamic!!...and the picture is fine

so,the film begins with a discovery of a probe,again as star trek 1's V'ger,no one can communicate with it and it looks set to destroy earth...while at the federation council there is an arguement going on between Spocks dad and the Ambassador for Klingon over Kirks actions from the second and third films

'there will be no peace as long as Kirk lives'


the gang are actually still on Vulcan where their ship the klingon bird of prey is as well,spock is getting better after having his mind returned,he is just as smart,but hasnt got used to the human side of things in his mind,Kirk demanding to Spock that he calls him Jim,at this time they decide its time to head back to earth and face the music,saying goodbye to Lt Saavic

on their way back to our planet,the probe has knocked out all electricity and power everywhere,and has created storms and tidal waves,on and around our planet.......the gang realise that no one can communicate with the probe because it is speaking the language of whales...or welsh if you want,LOL,as humpback whales(the specific one needed) were hunted to extinction by man in the early 21st century

they come up with the crazy plan of going back in time to fetch a humpback whale back to the present(i.e-the future).....they go all the way up to warp 10 and slingshot around the sun,and arrive in the latter half of the 20th century...they are actually in present day(i.e-1986)and land in san franny golden gate park

so,this is where the humour comes in,of the gang trying to fit in with everyday 20th century man



the Klingon Bird Of Prey,suprising a whaling ship


they have 3 problems

1-the whales
2-storage tank for the whales
3-power,slingshotting around the sun has knocked out the power of the bird of prey,and they need nuclear power to get it going again

so they split into 3 teams

watching Chekov with his russian accent asking a cop where there are nuclear vessles is pretty amusing...as 1986 wasnt the best time for russians and nuclear power


so,the story plods along,kirk and spock are in charge of getting the whales...in which they do,two whales from a seaworld type amusement park...and also,Kirk picks up some totty in the form of a whale biologist.......they beam the whales onto the bird of prey ship,into the storage tanks on board take the whale biologist along with them back to the 23rd century,crash land in san fransico bay and let the whales out and after some time the whales communicate with the probe,and all is well,the probe backs off and goes back to where it came from,the storms stop and blue skies appear and power is restored around the world


so,finally,Kirk(and the crew,spock stands with them even though he isnt being charged)are having their hearing about stealing the enterprise and destroying it....all charges are dropped because of recent events because the world owes them their lives...all charges,except one....Kirk is to be knocked down a rank,back to captain and take charge of his own starship again(oh,the misery(!))

.......not feeling too bad,the whale biologist tells kirk that she is buggering off to catch up on 300 years of learning...and then Kirk and the crew go to their new ship that they are to be in.....oh,look...its the enterpirse,exactly the same but,i guess a mark II(how the fuck did they come up with that so fast?)


the enterprise -A


and so ends star trek 4:the voyage home...it was better than number 3,even though,the story was pretty much a load of bollocks,but it showed that they at least had some fun with 'star trek in todays time'


costumes were again,seemed to just be the same,noticeably better than start trek 1,but virtually the same as numbers 2 and 3....although,kirk does get some flashy pink shirts,and spock is in a white dressing gown looking like a monk for most of the movie


special effects this time round were not that much needed,saved some money they did...minor events while in 1986,but the effects were mainly used at the beginning of the filmthe story was silly but fun as said,but the whole being threatened by a thing we cant communicate with was done in the first film


as now i am feeling that i am getting used to the movies,and the cast of star trek,i am wondering after the 6th one,will i be thrown in the dark again with the movie introduction of pucard,data and co?

only time will tell

[Metallicorphan is an Ass]

Star Trek V:The Final Frontier



how ever misleading the title maybe,this...isnt,the final film of the series,i think at the time it was meant to be...just like there will be no more indiana jones films after last crusade...whatever

William Shatner,co-wrote the screenplay for this one as well as taking over from Leonard Nimoy in the directing chair

the movie starts on a planet named Nimbus III which is situated in the neutral zone,and is known as the planet of galactic peace...this place was meant to be the start of a new beginning of peace,but has fallen into decay and is only populated by the usual scum....a man on a horse approaches some sort of ugly son of a bitch man,who is instantly hostile,the man on the horse turns out to be a Vulcan,and talks with the man,the man suddenly feels as though all his burdens have been lifted........and joins with the vulcan on the vulcans quest...the vulcan then starts laughing like a loon,which isnt a good sign!


ahh...the real opening credits begin...and then cuts to Kirk who is mountain climbing in Yosemite park,with unconvincing stunt doubles,while Kirk is quite high and a bit tired Spock approaches him with the help of some kind of booster shoes,and ultimately making Kirk fall..against an unconvincing blue screen...and Spock saves him just before he hits the ground

later that night still in the woods,Kirk,Bones and spock are talking(i think they are having a campfire vacation trying to get Spock back to his old self who hasnt been the same since he died...who would?) ,and Bones tells Kirk he is a fool for not taking his life seriously enough...Kirk admits it,but says that he knew he wasnt going to die because them two were with him,and he has always known that he is to die alone(is this something else from the series that i dont know about?)..and they proceed to sing songs!!


Back on the desolate planet Nimbus III(which is very much like Tatooine,with its own cantina bar and everything,including a cat woman erotic dancer with three breasts!!!..or perhaps she had 6 and i didnt notice the other 3..mmmeeeoow!!),the Vulcan and the man from the beginning and a bunch of rebels attack a city,known as Paradise city and holds hostages,3 of the hostages are known ambassoders for various races,including a Klingon

so,cut to a Klingon ship bird of prey like the one Kirk stole at the end of the third film and used for the entire forth film,there they are practising shooting with old spaceprobes..and complaining because they want some thing that will fire back,they get the transmission about the hostages and know that the starfleet will send the enterprise ,which they know is the ship of the traitor Kirk,at the same time Kirk gets his orders that shore leave has been cancelled and they get picked up from the forest,as Kirk 'forgotten' his communicator..on returning to the enterprise it seems that the new enterprise WAS a little rushed when being constructed(told you!!),and therfor is a little fucked,as in the doors wont open and the beaming up is jiggered,amongst other things...scotty is going apeshit at everyone,as usual,LOL

kirk,Bones,spock and a bunch of starfleet soldiers attack paradise city on Nimbus III,to rescue the hostages,Kirk himself has a Cat fight...(hee hee) with the 3 or 6 breasted catwoman...but all is not as it seems,as the 3 hostages were actually apart of it.....or,should i say seen things the way of their captor,so,the rogue Vulcan captures kirk,and takes charge of the enterprise which a starship was all he wanted...on taking the shuttle from Nimbus III to the enterprise they have to manaully board the enterprise because the Klingons have started to attack it.and in the commotion,both the Vulcan and Kirk have a famous TV fight(star trek wouldnt be the same without one)...when struggling,Spock has the chance to shoot the Vulcan but does not and Kirk,spock and bones are thrown into a cell aboard the enterprise ...Kirk is absolutley pissd right off at Spock because he didnt kill the other vulcan,and Spock explains that the Vulcan is in fact Spocks brother,called Sybok,who was turned away from the vulcan race because he seeked knowledge that was forbidden for Vulcans

Sybok does to the crew of the enterprise what he did to the man at the beginning and 'brainwashes' them,to see things his way,he then explains his intentions...that they are to seek out and find a planet called Sha Ka Ree,which is beyond the great barrier and is not meant to exist,in fact it is widely known as myth that Sha Ka Ree is infact,heaven,or Eden

Sybok,tries his influence on both Bones and Spock,but in the end they stand by Kirk.The great barrier is situated in the middle of the universe where no one has been before(or boldly gone before)...and Sybok admits he had a vision from God(lol,theres always one isnt there?)that the Eden exists...they break the great barrier and as it happens actually come across this Sha Ka Ree planet,where Kirk,Spock,Bones and Sybok,who are more on friendly terms now, all board a shuttle and enter the airspace of the planet,as soon as they do,the shuttle starts to fly itself to an unknown destination...when they arrive they walk to a point and rocks break the surface of the planet and form a kind of talking point,to talk to...God!!!


a picture of God,yesterday


God congratulates them on finding them,and asks for their starship...well,God,Klingons or money...wont take the beloved Enterprise from Kirk,and Kirk asks why he needs a starship,and asks proof if he is indeed God....God who apparently has been imprisoned and stranded on the planet for thousands of years,gets angry at Kirk and kicks his ass with these mega cool light beams that come out of Gods eyes,and shoots both Kirk and Spock..just stunned though

Sybok,cannot understand why God is attacking his friends and sacrifices himself with God by throwing himself into the light that God is made off and using his 'powers' to try the same with God...the other 3 fight just as bravely by running back to the shuttle,LOL-which wont work...so Kirk asks scotty back on the enterprise if he can beam them back onboard,scotty says they can only do two at a time(because the enterprise is still knackered)..so he does spock and bones first,and just as they are about to beam kirk up,the klingons(who have been following for the whole film)attack in the bird of prey and therfor leaves kirk on the planet being chased by Gods head and his laser beams eyes,(its turned out quite funny this film actually)

the Klingons demand they hand over Kirk,they tell them that Kirk is on the planet...Kirk is 'rescued' by the klingons just in time,(they shoot God in the face,LOL)..and Kirk thinks he has now been imprisoned..



but not so,Spock talked to the 'hostage' Klingon who helped Spocks brother,and made the klingon captain on the bird of prey to help Kirk,it was infact Spock who had fired the gun that shot God in the face...the klingon captain admits he was not following orders when he was attacking the enterprise...and they all make friends and have a cocktail party...no honestly!!


bones and Spock believe it was a false God,who was on Sha Ka Ree...and Kirk mentions that perhaps God is in our hearts....<<i think you have had enough to drink Kirk!!


the three of them resume their campfire songs at yosemite forest...and that ends star trek 5 ...thankfully!!


number 5 wasnt as bad as a lot of people had said,the first half was pretty standard Trekkie stuff...but the latter half with God shooting lasers out of his eyes was as crazy as the ending of 2001:a space odyssey ....it could of been a normal outing,really,and william shatner did a decent job of the directing anyway...but not so much of the story...i was giggling along when God shot Kirk and Spock,but it really didnt explain that much on what the hell was going on


this strengthens my belief that God and Sci-fi dont mix.....just like Pop stars and Politics(i still fucking hate you Bono)
saying that i dont think it was as bad as people made out,i do actually think it is the worse star trek film of the 5 i have seen up to now though...even worse than number 1

the special effects for a 1989 film were decent enough,apart from the blue screen job near the beginning...but anyway,thats the half way point reached,number 5 over with